don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
