I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
