Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
