Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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