I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
