Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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