I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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