Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
