Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We left an ass print on the piano.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize