Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
