spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
