my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
