so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
