After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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