I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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