after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
