The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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