the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
