New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
