So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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