Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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