I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
