no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
