it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
