I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
