I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
