I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Randomize