yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
