Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
