I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize