why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
