It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
