I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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