have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
