I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
