walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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