I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize