Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
