Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
