forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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