Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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