Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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