is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
