He kissed a someone with a penis
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
