Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
They are going to name an STD after you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
