Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
