I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
