I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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