Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
