38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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