so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
