I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
