if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
