He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
