fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
