Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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