Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
we're so committed to being not committed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
