people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
