If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
