And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
