You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
