$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
