That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize