u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
