Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
