I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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