You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
