so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
