No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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