toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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