you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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