Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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