Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
