is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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